no uhh i am not sure okay i believe you

the snooze challenges me to wake again
and face the day with any sense of appreciation
it's sometimes hard waking up especially after a night of little sleep
i got to figure out some things in life
and maybe put them on paper because the ink is permanent
can't erase or ignore it unless it's thrown away

dream again heart
please just for me
remember to love again
how can i love if i struggle with loving myself
let alone Almighty God

read about the covenant of the bow
between you and man
for us to remember and you said you will too

can you show me something in the sky
something i read or a girl i meet
something obviously believable
because my faith is shakey
o God help my unbelief

i am more predictable than i thought
kinda hate that because i want to be the one who suprises you
and get called out on "that's my beloved son"
there again in the sky your voice like thunder
makes me want to look up there and expect
something

am i missing something so obvious that it's right in front of me

Elohim...Daddy...rescue me

being lonely. is that even biblical.
i am so torn between being appreciative and destructive.
my spirit cries and my flesh fail.
soul, don't give up on me now.
i am okay.
honest between these teeth and i will grin and settle down.
"...knew a man who once said death smiles at us all...all you have to do is smile back."
dangerously i am shrouded beneath darkness and a wick of hope will surely guide me.
holy God sanctify me again.

like a wildcat.
like a wild flower.

i am nothing.
merely a voice.
no bullhorns or whistles.
not my style.
i whisper.
can you hear me child.

all i need is love.
jealousy has no place here.
i miss her.

cover me in precious blood.
and tell me all of the wonderful things you will do.

i am reintroducing myself today.

"discontent is the disconnect..hold fast hope."

distance.

listening to:
jay z (young forever)
josh groban (oceano)
kid cudi (heart of a lion)
mae (the fishermans song)
creed (rain)
sherwood (ground beneath my feet)
the glorious unseen (all around me)
skyzoo (like a marathon)
mewithoutyou (the fox the crow and the cookie)

that up there is supposed to be a filler. because three times i have tried to say something intelligent, hardly got anything. and i miss comfort. is there a reason why i am two thousand three hundred and thirty three miles away. God called abraham far from home and left everything behind and gave him a promise. i would like one. like maybe a wife. something audible. i am not saying i want to put God in a box. it's just hard living life in faith and wonder. i am in florida. the only time i have seen this place is on maps. and he called me here. why.

confessions for the High Priest

i got some scruff and it's nearly one thirty
there is some liquor in the cupboard
but i don't drink alone
i just sigh heavy and listen to music
and open the bible for healing
Eloi Eloi why do i hurt your heart
thank you for passion
thank you for pride
but somehow i mix them up
and lust-that dirty word works like a weed
and chaps my hide
that's from dad
sins he probably struggled with
and as do i 
quit so your sons will learn as well 
i wanted to write how sorry i am
again
and your never to short to forgive
your probably rejoicing
while i ... don't even know
just write
your so faithful
(.beloved)